Alright, everyone in the room, I want to conduct a quick survey. Which of you have played a game that you thought ‘weird’? Ok, most of you raised your hands, but what if I told you I played an even weirder game? Well, it’s true, and that game is called Muscle March.
Published by Namco Bandai, who last year also put out the ultra-bizarre “game” Noby Noby Boy, Muscle March is Simon Says on steroids. You control a distressed male body builder (or a buff girl cheerleader… or a polar bear..) who’s chasing after the thief of his protein mix. The thief goes through the environment, destroying the structural integrity of buildings by smashing into walls and creating one of four shapes for your character to squeeze through. And the thiefs aren’t just other muscley dudes; there are imps, space rabbits, and a Silver Surfer-esque man with blue skin. This sort of game isn’t meant to be taken seriously, and even Japanese gamers dub these weird specimens “baka-ge”, when translated means “idiot game.
This was originally going to be an arcade game, but I suppose Namco just forgot about it until now, polished it up, and put it on WiiWare. It looks decent for a WiiWare release, but the game does not run in widescreen. The best aspect though, is the catchy J-Pop soundtrack. Even though my arms were tired from so much marching, I had to continue playing to hear the happy marching music that will stay in your head forever. The price certainly is right at $5, since there are just three sets of levels and one endless mode, where you follow a gold body builder up a rainbow into space until you screw up three times, and screw up you will. The game has simple controls for the four muscle poses, and they work pretty well, but the one sequence were I feel like I have absolutely no control over is when you are trying to tackle the thief. It’s a standard Wii control method, shaking the remotes to go faster, but it just doesn’t seem to work at all. There might be some rhythm to how you shake the Wiimote/Nunchuck, but I just didn’t get it in the time I played.
I think just about any type of gamer would enjoy this, or at least be freaked out enough by it to try the thing out. And plus, it’s only five dollars, what do you have to lose? You should probably stop reading this right now, march over to your Wii, and give this game a spin!
~NintenDood


